The Cruise of the Kawa: Wanderings in the South Seas — Key Ideas to Explore
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Everything had gone by the board. Mast, jigger, bow-sprit and running gear. Not a trace of block or tackle rested on the surrounding sea. We were clean-shaven. Of the chart, which had hung in a frame near the binnacle, not a line remained. All our navigating instruments, quadrant, sextant, and hydrant, with which we had amused ourselves making foolish observations during that morning of the glorious Fourth, our chronometer and speedometer,--all had absolutely disappeared.
"And there we are!" said Swank.
Triplett coughed apologetically and pulled his forelock.
"If you don't mind, sir, night'll be comin' on soon and I think we'd better make sail."
"Make sail?" I murmured blankly. "How?"
"The bedding, sir," said Triplett.
"Of course!" I cried. "All hands abaft to make sail."
How we knotted our sheets and blankets together to fashion a rough main-sail would be a tedious recital, for it was slow work. Our combined efforts made, I should say, about eight knots an hour but half of them pulled out at the least provocation. We persevered, however, and finally completed our task. Nor were we an instant too soon, for just as we had succeeded in getting the oars to stand upright and were anxiously watching our well-worn army blankets belly out with the steady trade wind, the sun, which for the last hour had hung above the horizon, suddenly fell into the sea and night was upon us.
"There's that," said Whinney quietly.
Thus we slid through the velvet night with the Double Cross hanging low, sou'west by south.
It must have been about an hour before dawn that a shiver of expectancy thrilled us unanimously.
"Did you hear that, sir?" said Captain Triplett in a low tone.
"No ... what was it?"
"A sea-robin ... we must be near land ... there it is again."
I heard it that time ... the faint, sweet note of the male sea-robin.
Shortly afterward we heard the mewing of a sea-puss, evidently chasing the robin.
"Sure enough, sir," said Triplett. "It'll be land." Somehow we felt sure of it.
In calm elation and tired expectancy we strained our eyes through the slow crescendo of the day's birth. Suddenly, the sun leaped over the horizon and the long crimson rays flashed forward to where, dead ahead, we could see a faint swelling on the skyline. "Land-ho!" we cried in voices of strangled joy.
"Boys," said Captain Triplett, apologetically ... "we ain't got no yard-arm, but the sun's up and there's land dead ahead, and I reckon..."
He paused. Through the hatchway came William Henry Thomas bearing a tray with four lily cups.
"Fair as a lily..." said Whinney (I knew he would).
Two minutes later we had fallen into heavy slumber while the Kawa steered by the faithful Triplett, moved steadily toward our unknown haven.
A real discovery. Polynesia analyzed. The astounding nature of the Filberts. Their curious sound, and its reason. We make a landing. Our first glimpse of the natives. The value of vaudeville.
There is nothing better, after a hurricane, than six hours' sleep. It was high noon when we were awakened by William Henry Thomas and the odor of coffee, which drew us to the quarter-deck. There, for the first time, we were able to make an accurate survey of our surroundings and realize the magnitude and importance of what had befallen us. While we slept Captain Triplett had warped the denuded Kawa through a labyrinth of coral and we now lay peacefully at anchor with the island lying close in-board.
Its appearance, to put it mildly, was astonishing. Let me remind the reader that for the previous four months we had been prowling through the Southern Pacific meeting everywhere with disappointment and disillusionment. We had inspected every island in every group noted on every map from Mercator to Rand-McNally without finding any variation in type from, "A," the low lying coral-atoll of the well-known broken doughnut formation, to, "B," the high-browed, mansard design popularized by F. O'Brien. [Footnote: This is the type "E". of Melville's overrated classification--_Ed._] In a few of the outlying suburbs of Melanesia and the lower half of Amnesia, we had found a few designs which showed sketchy promise of originality: coral reefs in quaint forms had been begun, outlining a scheme of decoration in contrast with the austere mountains and valleys. But everywhere these had been abandoned. Either the appropriation had given out, or the polyps had gotten to squabbling among themselves and left their work to be slowly worn away by the erosive action of sea and shipwrecked bottoms. [Footnote: In Micronesia it was even worse, the islands offering a dead-level of mediocrity which I have never seen equalled except in the workingmen's cottages of Ampere, New Jersey, the home of the General Electric Company.] Add to the geographic sameness the universal blight of white civilization with its picture post-cards, professional hula and ooh-la dancers, souvenir and gift shops, automat restaurants, movie-palaces, tourists, artists and explorers, and you have some idea of the boredom which had settled down over the Kawa and her inmates.
Only a few days before Whinney, usually so philosophical, had burst out petulantly with: "To hell with these islands. Give me a good mirage, any time." Swank and I had heartily agreed with him, and it was in that despondent spirit that we had begun our Fourth of July celebration.
As we sat cozily on deck, sipping our coffee, it slowly dawned on us that we had made the amazing discovery of an absolutely new type of island!--something so evidently virgin and unvisited that we could only gaze in awe-struck silence.
"Do you know," whispered Swank, "I think this is the first time I have ever seen a virgin"--he choked for an instant on a crumb--"island."
We could well believe it.
The islands lay before us in echelon formation. The one in our immediate foreground was typical of the others. Its ground-floor plan was that of a circle of beach and palm enclosing an inner sea from the center of which rose an elaborate mountain to a sheer height of two thousand, perhaps ten thousand, feet. The general effect was that of a pastry masterpiece on a gigantic scale. [Footnote: Oddly enough the scene struck me as strangely familiar but it was not until weeks afterward that I recalled its prototype in the memory of a decoration worn by General Grosdenovitch, Minister very-extraordinary to America from Montenegro just before the little mountain kingdom blew up with a faint pop and became absorbed by Jugo-Slovakia (sic).] We could only stare in open-mouthed amazement, thrilled with the thought that we were actually discoverers. A gorgeous feature of our find, in addition to its satisfactory shape, was its color. Sand and vegetation were of the conventional hues, but where the flanks of the rock rose from the enclosed pool we observed that they were of the pure elementary colors, red, blue and yellow, fresh and untarnished as in the latest masterpiece from the brush of the Master of All Painters. Here before our eyes was an unspoiled sample of what the world must have looked like on varnishing day.
Swank, who is ultra-modern in his tendencies, was in ecstasies over the naive simplicity of the color scheme. "Look at that red!" he shouted. "Look at that blue!! Look at that yaller!!!" He dove below and I heard rattling of tubes and brushes that told me he was about to commit landscape. This time I knew he couldn't possibly make the colors too violent.
Fringing the exquisitely tinted coral strand were outlying reefs, alternately concave and convex, which gave the shore edge a scalloped, almost rococo finish, which I have heard decorators call the Chinese-Chippendale "effect." Borne to our nostrils by an occasional reflex of the zooming trades came, ever and anon, entrancing whiffs of a brand new odor.
It is always embarrassing to attempt to describe a new smell, for, such is our inexperience in the nasal field, that a new smell must invariably be described in terms of _other_ smells, and by reason of a curious, inherited prudery this province has been left severely alone by English writers. I know of but one man, M. Sentant, the governor of Battambang, Cambodia, who frankly makes a specialty of odors. [Footnote: See _Journal des Debats_, '09, "Le nez triomphant" de Lucien Sentant.]
"J'aime les odeurs!" he said to me one day as we sat sipping a siem-bok on the piazza, of the residency.
"Mais il y en a des mauvaises," I deprecated.
"_Meme_ les mauvaises," he insisted, "Oui, _surtout les_ mauvaises!"
But Sentant is unique. I can only say that as I sat sniffing on the deck of the Kawa there was about us a _soupcon_ of the _je-ne-sais-quoi tropicale_, half nostalgie, half diablerie. It was ... but what's the use? You will have to go out there some time and smell it for yourself.
I have mentioned the contour, color and fragrance of our island. I now come to the strangest feature of all. I refer to its sound. I had for some time noticed a queer, dripping noise which I had foreborne to mention fearing it might be inside my own head--a devilish legacy of our recent buffeting. You can imagine my relief when Whinney asked apologetically, "Do you fellows hear anything?"
"I do!" was my rejoinder, seconded by Swank who had come up for air.
We all listened intently.
Though the sky was cloudless, a distinct pattering sound as of a light rain reached us.
"Nuts..." said Captain Triplett suddenly, spitting on the nose of a fish that had made a face at him. A glance through our mercifully preserved field-glasses corroborated the Captain's vision.
"For the love of Pete!" I gasped. "Take a squint at those trees." They were literally crawling with nuts and tropical fruits of every description. In the shadow of the broad panjandrus leaves we could see whole loaves of breadfruits falling unassisted to the ground while between the heavier thuds of cocoanuts and grapefruit we heard the incessant patter of light showers of thousands of assorted nutlets, singing the everlasting burden and refrain of these audible isles. It was this predominant feature--though I anticipate our actual decision--which ultimately settled our choice of a name for the new archipelago,--the Filbert Islands, now famous wherever the names of Whinney, Swank and Traprock are known.
It was now about half-past two bells and an excellent time to make a landing, preparations for which were forthwith set in motion. Now, if ever, we had occasion to bless the tightness of the Kawa, for in the confusion below, somewhat ameliorated by the labors of William Henry Thomas, we found most of our duffle in good order, an occasional stethoscope broken or a cork loose, but nothing to amount to much. Our rifles, side-arms, cartridges, camera and my bundles of rejected manuscript were as dry as ever. I was thankful as I had counted on writing on the other side of them. A tube of vermilion had run amuck among Swank's underclothes but, in the main, we were intact.
After some delay in getting our folding-dory stretched on its frame, due to Whinney's contention that the bow and stern sections belonged on the same end, we finally shoved off, leaving William Henry Thomas to answer the door in case of callers.
In the brief interval of our passage, I could not help noticing the remarkable submarine flora over which we passed. The water, perfectly clear to a depth of four-hundred and eighty-two feet, showed a remarkable picture of aquatic forestry. Under our keel spread limeaceous trees of myriad hues in whose branches perched variegated fish nibbling the coral buds or thoughtfully scratching their backs on the roseate bark. Pearls the size of onions rolled aimlessly on ocean's floor. But of these later; for the nonce our tale leads landward.
As our canvas scraped the shingle we leaped out, tossing the dory lightly beyond the reach of the waves, and fell into the agreed-upon formation. Triplett in the van, then Whinney, Swank and myself, in the order named. Beyond the beach was a luxuriant growth of _haro_. [Footnote: Similar to the photographer's grass; is used in the foreground of early Sarony full lengths. I have seen a similar form of vegetation just off the fairway of the third hole at Garden City.] Into this we proceeded gingerly, intrepid and alert, but ready to bolt at the slightest alarm.
The nut noises became constantly more ominous and menacing, but still we saw no sign of human life. Near the edge of the forest we came to a halt. Plainly it would be unwise to venture within range of the arboreal hailstones without protection, for though our pith-helmets were of the best quality they were, after all, but pith, and a cocoanut is a cocoanut, the world over. While we were debating this point and seeking a possible way into the jungle which was not overarched by trees I heard a low bird-call, as I supposed, the even-song of the cross-billed cuttywink. On the instant a towering circle of dark forms sprang from the haro and at a glance I saw that we were completely surrounded by gigantic Filbertines!
Darting a look over my shoulder I noted to my dismay an enormous land-crab towing our dory seaward. It was a harrowing moment. As agreed upon, we waited for Triplett to take the initiative and in the interim I took a hasty inventory of our reception committee. The general impression was that of great beauty and physique entirely unadorned except for a narrow, beaded water-line and pendent apron (_rigolo_ in the Filbertine language) consisting of a seven-year-old clam shell decorated with brightly colored papoo-reeds. The men's faces were calm, almost benign, and as far as I could see unarmed except for long, sharply pointed bundles of leaves which they carried under their arms. Their tattooing was the finest I have ever seen.
At this moment, however, my observations were concluded by Triplett's suddenly wheeling and saying sharply, "Traprock! ... target practice!" This was a stunt we had often performed for the amusement and mystification of kindly cannibals in the Solomons. I had seen it in vaudeville and taught it to Triplett. As was my custom, I had in the pocket of my singlet a number of ship biscuit. Plucking out one of these I placed it on my forehead and nose, holding it in place with the index finger. Triplett leveled his Colt a good yard above my head and fired, I on the instant pressing the biscuit so that it fell in pieces to the ground.
The effect on the Filbertines was marvelous.
They were too simple to be afraid. Their one emotion was wonder. Then Swank, grinning broadly, uttered the one word, "Cinch!"
To a nation which had never heard a word ending in a consonant, this was apparently intensely humorous. They burst into loud guffaws, supplemented with resounding slaps of their cupped hands on their stomachs, at the same time raising an imitative cry of "Sink-ka! Sink-ka!"
This was our welcome to the Filbert Islands, and also the beginning of the formation of that new tongue, Filbertese or nut-talk, which in the ensuing months was to mean so much to our small but absolutely intrepid band.
Our handsome hosts. En route to the interior. Native flora and fauna. We arrive at the capitol. A lecture on Filbertine architecture. A strange taboo. The serenade.
With the first burst of laughter it seemed that all embarrassment on the part of the natives had been dissipated. Those nearest us insisted on patting our stomachs gently, at the same time uttering a soft, crooning "soo-soo," [Footnote: This same sound is used by the natives of Sugar Hill, New Hampshire, when calming their horses.] which it was obviously the proper thing to return, which we did to the delight of the bronze warriors about us.
After a few moments of this friendly massage, the most ornamental of the savages, whom I judged to be the chief, uttered dissyllabic command of "Oo-a," and slapped his right thigh smartly with his left hand, a feat more easily described than accomplished. Coincident with this signal came a cheerful riffling sound as the Filbertines broke out their large umbrellas of panjandrus leaves which we had first mistaken for weapons. This implement, (known technically as a _naa-naa_ or _taa-taa_, depending on whether it was open or closed), was in reality notonly a useful and necessary protection against the continuous nut-showers but also a weapon of both of- and de-fensive warfare. [Footnote: This primitive people we soon found to be profoundly pacifistic, a natural condition in a race who, since the dawn of time, had known no influence other than that of the Pacific Ocean. Warfare with its cruel attributes had never penetrated their isolation. With nations as with people, it takes two to make a quarrel. Here was but one.]
We stood thus, in open formation, among the luxurious haro until in response to another signal from the chief, a resounding slap on the left shank, they escorted us ceremoniously along a winding path which led toward the interior of the island. It was for all the world as if we were being taken out to dinner, a thought which suggested for an instant the reflection that we might turn out to be not _guests_ but _courses_ at the banquet, in which case I promised myself I should be a _piece-de-resistance_ of the most violent character.
But these solemn thoughts were not proof against the gaiety of our surroundings, the soft patter of the constantly dropping nuts bounding from the protective _taa-taas_, and the squawks and screeches of countless cuttywinks and _fatu-liva_ birds, those queens of the tropics whose gorgeous plumage swept across our path.
For Whinney and Swank as well as myself the promenade was a memorable one, the former feasting his cool eyes on the hundreds of new scientific items which he was later to classify, the bulbous _oo-pa_, a sort of vegetable cream-puff, the succulent _tuki-taki_, pale-green with red dots, a natural cross between the banana and the cocoanut, having the taste of neither, and the numerous crawling things, the whistling-ants and shy, lamp-eyed lily-bugs (_anchoridae flamens_) who flashed their signals as we passed.
Swank revelled in the rainbow colors about us, the flaming nabiscus blossoms and the unearthly saffron of the _alova_ blooms, one inhale of which, we were to learn, contained the kick of three old-fashioned mint-juleps. Only Triplett's hard-boiled countenance reflected no interest whatever in his surroundings.
It was doubtless this unintelligent dignity on our Captain's part, coupled with what was left of his brass buttons and visor cap on which the legend "Kawa" still glimmered faintly, which prompted the aborigines to select him as our chief, an error which I at first thought of correcting by some sort of dramatic tableau such as having Triplett lie down and letting me place my foot on his Adam's apple, of which he had a splendid specimen. On second thought, however, I decided that it would be more modest to allow him any honors he might receive together with the responsibilities attendant upon his position. It is the invariable habit of South Sea Islanders, in the event of trouble, to capture and hold as hostages the chief men of a tribe. Their heads, with or without the original bodies, seem to have a peculiar value.
Soon the trail widened, and we were called upon to hurdle several low barriers of _papoo-reeds_, designed to confine the activities of the countless Alice-blue wart-hogs which whined plaintively about our feet. At a majestic gesture from the chief the _taa-taas_ were furled (becoming _naa-naas_), and we halted in a bright clearing about sixty feet in diameter, plainly the public square, or, to be exact, circle.
My first impression was that of complete isolation in an unbroken forest. Peer as I would, I could discern no sign of human habitation. We had arrived, but where? My question was soon answered. By most gracious gestures, soft sounds and a series of fluttering finger exercises on the abdominal walls we were led to one side of the circle where, as our guides pointed upward, white eyes for the first time in history rested on a Filbertine dwelling!
The houses were in the trees!
Architecture is said to express deeply the inner characteristics of a people, a statement I am glad to corroborate. But never had it struck me so forcibly as now. Gazing up at a dim picture of informal construction, interlaced and blended with the trunks, boughs and foliage of the overarching palms I saw at a glance the key-note of the life of this simple people--_absence of labor_.
The Publisher's Note that opens this volume sets the tone: a deadpan claim that the expedition was "painstakingly planned" to capture South Sea life "as it actually is." The narrator, Dr. Walter E. Traprock, immediately undercuts this with his dedication to "the girls we left behind"—Kippiputuonaa, Lupoba-Tilaana, and Babai-Alova-Babai—names that sound like a parody of Polynesian exoticism. The book's structure mimics a serious scientific report, complete with illustrations and a map, but its content is relentlessly absurd.
Mock-Scholarly Apparatus
The book's frame is a parody of academic publishing. The Publisher's Note boasts of "exclusive privilege" and hints at a "leak" traced to a Marquesan valet. Footnotes interrupt the narrative with pseudo-scientific asides, like the description of the wak-wak as "the most outrageous creature that ploughs the deep." The narrator's credentials—"F.R.S.S.E.U."—are likely invented. This apparatus creates a running joke: the more earnestly the text insists on its authority, the more ridiculous its claims become.
Invented Flora, Fauna, and Customs
Chappell populates the South Seas with creatures and customs that are clearly fabricated. The wak-wak has "a mouth like a subway entrance" and eats sharks whole. Pillow-fights use "eighteen-inch logs of rapiti-wood." The narrator's wife, Kippy, communicates by placing her foot on his knee to reveal a tattoo. These details are not ethnographic but comic inventions, each more outlandish than the last. The text's humor relies on the contrast between the narrator's straight-faced delivery and the absurdity of what he describes.
The Narrator's Voice and Self-Deprecation
Traprock's narration is consistently self-mocking. He admits he is "far too ticklish" for tattooing, and when Kippy calls him "Naani-Tui" (Face-of-the-Moon), he notes it "sounded so much better than Moon-face." His observations are often deflating: after a romantic moment, he remarks, "I felt as flat as a pressed fern." This voice keeps the reader aware that the entire adventure is a spoof, with the narrator as its willing butt.
Movement Between Scenes and Tonal Shifts
The narrative jumps abruptly from a wedding night to a beach pillow-fight to a discussion of the wak-wak. These shifts are not explained; they mimic the disjointed structure of a travel diary. The tone also swings from mock-romantic ("Radiant Kippiputuonaa") to deadpan scientific ("Whinney made a true remark to me one night"). This instability reinforces the burlesque quality: the book refuses to settle into any single mode, keeping the reader off-balance.
The excerpts offer only a glimpse of the Kawa's wanderings, but they reveal a consistent pattern: the text borrows the form of a serious expedition narrative while filling it with deliberate nonsense. Readers should approach the book as a sustained parody, attentive to the gap between the narrator's pompous tone and the absurdity of his claims. The humor lies in the details—the invented creatures, the mock footnotes, the narrator's own gullibility.
I remember lying on a sun-warmed deck myself once, convinced I’d spotted something mythical in the waves—only it was a log. Traprock’s invented wak-waks felt that same way, a gentle humbug I almost wanted to believe. Reading his absurd footnote about it reminded me of that dusty afternoon I spent with Amenities of Literature Consisting of Sketches and Characters of English Literature — A Reader’s Guide, where the past’s oddest details felt just as alive, just as lovingly exaggerated.
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